I Am Who You Say I Am

Amidst all the crazy things going on in the world at the moment there are some glaringly obvious positives for me personally. On the weekend it was announced that Victorian schools would close early, this meant all my work as a piano teacher in schools was cancelled until further notice. This was also at a time when Liam had developed flu-like symptoms and we decided it best to stay home and away from the world for a while.

We have spent SO MUCH time together (but on different couches, separate beds and with a whole lot of Glen 20) – playing card games, playing our instruments, watching movies, doing puzzles, eating chicken soup, and talking. And I have to tell you I reckon my husband is pretty cool. This past week has reminded me why we were friends in the first place. He is my favourite person to talk to, he always remains calm and quiets my own anxieties, and he’s funny. Of course, I knew all of this already, but it was pleasantly refreshing being reminded despite the bleak circumstances.

Aside from that I have spent more time with someone else really important in my life who doesn’t get as much time as He deserves- Jesus Christ, my personal Saviour. Before all of this really hit the fan in Australia, I would always manage to find excuses as to why I couldn’t pick up my Bible or spend time in prayer. Everyone’s busy right? Honestly, though – that’s not a good enough excuse. Don’t get me wrong, I would be the first in line to use it. When actually I’m saying to God, *insert literally anything* is more important than you. This past week has made me realise how powerful it is to spend time daily in the Bible and praying.

I was in God’s Word talking with Him and this morning I really earnestly asked God to reveal himself to me in the study. And oh wow, He does not disappoint. No joke, I was in tears the whole time I was doing the study. It talked about the Ancient Israelites and how they were known by the label, “slaves.” It was what they called themselves, and its what others knew them by. But God rescued them from Egypt, and He gave them a new name, “My holy nation.”

“Now if you will carefully listen to me and keep my covenant, you will be my own possession out of all the peoples, although the whole earth is mine, and you will be my kingdom of priests and my holy nation.”

Exodus 19:5-6

No one else, not even themselves had the right to label them anything other than what God had called them. It just hit me in the face, and the tears began to flow.

Last year after I got married and moved to Victoria, I was at an all time low. I was away from my family and friends, in a new place where I didn’t know anybody. There were other stresses in my life at the time and it was just really difficult to talk to my husband about them without putting a strain on our marriage. I was failing university. I was unemployed. I couldn’t sit down and talk with my mum about it, I couldn’t talk to best friend about it. I felt alone and to be completely honest I felt really ashamed. I would cry, a lot. I would sleep, also a lot. I would go to bed thinking I really don’t want to wake up tomorrow. I felt like a big fat failure. I had this voice in my head repeating non-stop about how much of a failure I was and how I wasn’t good enough. I wouldn’t pray because I knew I wasn’t being the person God made me to be, and I thought that I had to sort myself out before crawling back to Him.

I am here to tell you that is not how God works. He isn’t sitting on His throne looking down His nose at us thinking, “Here she goes again, another thing Tiana can’t do right now.” God doesn’t see us the way that others see us, or the way we see ourselves (Praise God!). I am a daughter of the King, and He loves me regardless of my regrets, mistakes, and failures. And what’s more, He tells us who we are in Him. We can be secure in the fact that God, and God alone defines who we are. He has the final authority of our identity in Him. He knows us inside out because he has masterfully crafted each and every part of us.

“O LORD, You have searched my and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.”

“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Marvellous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.

Psalm 139:1-3, 13-14

This is for real people. How freeing it is to see who we are in Christ outlined for us in black and white. Take a look for yourself in Ephesians 1 & 2.

God it blows my mind that you know me more intimately than anyone else in the world and still,

Despite the failures,

Despite the number on the scales,

Despite the imperfections,

Despite the person that I have been,

Despite my grades,

Despite the mistakes I have made,

Knowing full well I will continue to make mistakes,

Knowing full well failures are still going to happen,

Knowing full well I am a broken vessel,

Based on nothing I’ve ever said,

Based on nothing I’ve ever done,

Based on nothing other than my relationship with Jesus Christ,

You chose me.

You set me apart.

You have redeemed me.

You have called me saint.

You have given me a new identity in Christ.

I am forgiven.

I am predestined.

I am marked with the Holy Spirit.

I am saved.

I am His handiwork.

I am a dwelling place for the Spirit of God.

I am covered by His grace.

I am created for good works.

I am wanted.

I am without blame.

I am made alive.

I am adopted.

I am accepted.

I am loved.

God, help me to remember

I am not the labels that I have given myself.

I am not the labels others have given me.

I am not who I say I am.

I am who You say I am.